While snooping around my new office PC’s disk drives, I chanced upon its old owner’s mp3 collection of Billboard 100 top hits from 1981 to 1995. So now I can check out a few history bits while I’m bummed out from programming work.
Forgive me if this is a long entry (aside from the usual politics and anime banter like last entry) but I’m pretty free in work and I have nothing to do than diss the classics.
Let’s see what we can check out:
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1981 :: Mostly pop songs and a few country interspersed here and there.
001 – Kim Carnes – Bette Davis Eyes (Carnes who?)
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004 – John Lennon – (Just Like) Starting Over (oh god, he’s still in 1981)
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011 – Joey Scarbury – Greatest American Hero (who is he referring to?)
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022 – Taste of Honey – Sukiyaki (??? the hell is this?)
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040 – Don Mclean – Crying (isn’t this the same guy who sang “American Pie”?)
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044 – Kenny Rogers – I Don’t Need You (a perfect break-up song)
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056 – Journey – Who’s Crying Now (currently the band’s new vocalist is a Filipino, and he is a good fit)
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057 – Police – De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da (aka “The Sound Of A 2-Year-Old Kid On A Crib”)
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069 – Stevie Wonder – Master Blaster (Jammin’) (finally, a Stevie song that isn’t related to “sight”)
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086 – John Lennon – Watching the Wheels (can’t he just be content with watching hamsters on a cage?)
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100 – Andy Gibb – Time Is Time (apparently the Bee Gees are still on hiatus)
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1982 :: This is weird. The top song for this year belongs to a song for gym exercise enthusiasts. Is America getting fat?
001 – Olivia Newton-john – Physical (see?)
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002 – Survivor – Eye of the Tiger (the only song fit for Western kung-fu movies)
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003 – Joan Jett – I Love Rock & Roll (finally… this song is one of my faves from the old ones)
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018 – Melissa Manchester – You Should Hear How She Talks (… Like A Bitch)
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019 – Foreigner – Waiting For a Girl Like You (ironically, 18 and 19 are related somehow by a gender)
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046 – Roberta Flack – Making Love (this is a stupid song)
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047 – Juice Newton – Love’s Been a Little Bit Hard (yep, try your little love handle)
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054 – Diana Ross – Why Do Fools Fall In Love (good question)
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055 – Alabama – Love In the First Degree (how about on the second degree?)
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057 – Crosby, Stills & Nash – Wasted On the Way (isn’t this supposed to be sung by drunkards staggering out of winebars and beerhouses?)
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067 – Flock of Seagulls – I Ran (i remember this from Pulp Fiction as Jule’s reference to a couch guy’s hairdo)
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079 – Police – Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic (could be an inspiration for “Sabrina the Teenage Witch”)
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090 – Billy Idol – Hot In the City (try Mexico)
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100 – Stevie Nicks – Edge of Seventeen
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1983 :: I kinda noticed the existence of the predecessors of the “Dave Matthews Band” type. And they all plain suck.
001 – Police – Every Breath You Take (good song)
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002 – Michael Jackson – Billie Jean (he should be black because he sucks being white)
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004 – Men At Work – Down Under (aha… they’re working on the sewerage systems now)
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005 – Michael Jackson – Beat It (…To Your Nearest Plastic Surgeon For Instant Caucasian Skin)
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006 – Bonnie Tyler – Total Eclipse of the Heart (good song too)
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007 – Hall and Oates – Maneater (isn’t this the same title as a Nelly Furtado song?)
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010 – Eurythmics – Sweet Dreams (another good song)
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011 – Culture Club – Do You Really Want To Hurt Me (in desribing sadists and masochists)
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030 – After the Fire – Der Kommissar (try singing in German… like Rammstein)
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032 – Marvin Gaye – Sexual Healing (just like 1982’s #46, another stupid song. And his surname is “Gaye”.)
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046 – Naked Eyes – Always Something There To Remind Me (desribe a Post-It)
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049 – Michael Jackson & Paul Mccartney – the Girl Is Mine (Ironically, two men are singing this)
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054 – Men At Work – Overkill (apparently being “Down Under” sucks)
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059 – Laura Branigan – Solitaire (can’t you just play the friggin’ card game?)
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084 – Stray Cats – (she’s) Sexy + 17 (this is a vague song)
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1984 :: I actually think that Prince’s conversion to a symbol was a good marketing ploy, but executed at the wrong era.
001 – Prince – When Doves Cry (and Pigs Bark and Dogs Meow …)
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005 – Phil Collins – Against All Odds (ohh. good song.)
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010 – Culture Club – Karma Chameleon (I remember this was Boy George’s, right? Sounds like a fart)
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015 – Cyndi Lauper – Girls Just Want To Have Fun (ushering the era of the “boppy” girl fashion)
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019 – Romantics – Talking In Your Sleep
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020 – Laura Branigan – Self Control (ironically, 20 answers 19)
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026 – Rockwell – Somebody’s Watching Me (the song for paranoids)
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036 – Corey Hart – Sunglasses At Night (Is A Fashion Disaster)
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039 – Billy Joel – Uptown Girl (inspiring a godawful rendition by Westlife)
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050 – Julio Iglesias & Willie Nelson – To All the Girls I’ve Loved Before (players)
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056 – Huey Lewis & the News – I Want a New Drug (try playing this song at the local pharmacy)
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068 – Quiet Riot – Cum On Feel the Noise (I’m not pointing out the “sic” part)
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078 – Michael Jackson – Thriller (oh… that scary song… as if his nose ain’t scary enough)
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086 – John Cougar Mellencamp – Pink Houses (if MMDA were housing contractors…)
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100 – James Ingram & Michael Mcdonald – Yah Mo Be There (???)
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1985 :: Still no signs of the invasion of black rap.
001 – Wham – Careless Whisper (I remember Hyde covered this song)
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002 – Madonna – Like a Virgin (that iconic song from Madonna)
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007 – Tears For Fears – Everybody Wants To Rule the World (how true)
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010 – A-ha – Take On Me (the one-hit-wonder)
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014 – Starship – We Built This City (good song)
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023 – Whitney Houston – Saving All My Love For You (good song too)
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035 – Duran Duran – A View To a Kill (that good Bond intro music of the same movie title)
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038 – Pointer Sisters – Neutron Dance (science overload)
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050 – Phil Collins & Marilyn Martin – Separate Lives (another good break-up song)
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058 – Madonna – Material Girl (this is where Madonna got her infamous nickname)
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062 – Sade – Smooth Operator (another good song)
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077 – Julian Lennon – Too Late For Goodbyes (yep, true for you)
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079 – Power Station – Some Like It Hot
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082 – Bruce Springsteen – I’m On Fire (try 79)
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1986 :: Oh lord. Eddie Murphy on the charts?
001 – Dionne Warwick & Friends – That’s What Friends Are For
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005 – Mr. Mister – Broken Wings (wonder if there really is a surname going by the name of “Mister”)
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007 – Eddie Murphy – Party All the Time (see?)
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023 – Peter Gabriel – Sledgehammer (Triple H’s favorite hardcore weapon of choice)
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026 – Nu Shooz – I Can’t Wait (To Remoove Yur Stoopid Sung Frum Thiz Chart)
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029 – Madonna – Papa Don’t Preach (I remember Kelly Osbourne disparaging this song)
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030 – Bon Jovi – You Give Love a Bad Name (and this one was converted to disco by Blake Lewis)
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043 – Janet Jackson – What Have You Done For Me… (…when I had that wardrobe malfunction)
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055 – Inxs – What You Need (I only remember this band from that reality show)
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078 – Dream Academy – Life In a Northern Town (?)
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089 – Run-dmc – Walk This Way (Okay… the song that re-catapulted Aerosmith back)
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100 – Stevie Wonder – Go Home (the best song for barhouses and wine bars)
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1987 :: Okay, so now the influences of rap are coming.
001 – Bangles – Walk Like an Egyptian (racists)
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006 – Robbie Nevil – C’est La Vie (the joys of using French)
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011 – Los Lobos – La Bamba (probably inspired that stupid “Macarena” song)
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024 – George Michael – I Want Your Sex (another stupid song… are these artists depraved or what?)
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038 – Prince – U Got the Look (that use of “U” is ominuous)
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044 – Samantha Fox – Touch Me (I Want Your Body) (another depraved artist… and her surname’s “Fox”)
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046 – Madonna – Causing a Commotion (hey, this woman caused enough commotion back then)
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059 – Michael Jackson – Bad (prelude)
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066 – Swing Out Sister – Breakout (good song)
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098 – Beastie Boys – Fight For Your Right (To Party) (another good song from Eminem’s predecessors)
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1988 :: Another bland year… I wished RATM was formed in the late 80s.
001 – George Michael – Faith (see? bland enough)
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021 – Michael Jackson – Man In the Mirror (Is A Negro Caucasian-Wannabe)
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(too many friggy love songs)
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034 – Aerosmith – Angel (good song)
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041 – Bon Jovi – Bad Medicine (a perfect pharmacy radio song)
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061 – Michael Jackson – Dirty Diana (the perfect antithesis for Elton John’s Candle In The Wind)
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066 – Pretty Poison – Catch Me (I’m Falling) (damn)
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071 – Elton John – Candle In the Wind (eventually remixed to fit Princess Diana)
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081 – Brenda Russell – Piano In the Dark (try being in Stevie Wonder’s shoes)
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089 – Whitney Houston – One Moment In Time (that godawful Olympic tune)
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1989 :: The advent of the boyband craze. Remember The New Kids On The Block?
001 – Chicago – Look Away (sorry, I’m still looking)
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004 – Paula Abdul – Straight Up (before 1990 she was hot)
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006 – Paula Abdul – Cold Hearted (wish she was in American Idol instead of Cowell)
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007 – Bette Midler – Wind Beneath My Wings (in RP “Wings” means a Whispers sanitary napkin)
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012 – Boy Meets Girl – Waiting For a Star To Fall (that would be Armageddon)
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024 – Simply Red – If You Don’t Know Me By Now (we don’t remember you now until we crack the history books open)
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026 – New Kids On The Block – I’ll Be Loving You (Forever) (and we’ll be damned)
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035 – Cher – If I Could Turn Back Time (you can remove the iceberg before it hit the Titanic)
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049 – New Kids On The Block – Hangin’ Tough (another BS from NKOTB)
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052 – New Kids On The Block – You Got It (The Right Stuff) (and another bad stuff)
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062 – Duran Duran – I Don’t Want Your Love (another perfect break-up song)
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073 – New Kids On The Block – Cover Girl (at least Playboy magazine adds were an inch hotter than NKOTB’s chart status)
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081 – Aerosmith – Love In an Elevator (the last time that happened in RP a porn scandal broke out)
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087 – Samantha Fox – I Wanna Have Some Fun (apparently Cyndi Lauper forgot to take Samantha Fox into account)
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093 – Michael Jackson – Smooth Criminal (that’s how he eluded his court conviction)
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095 – Bobby Brown – Rock Wit’cha (sorry, we don’t git’cha song’s meaning except you blew Whitney up in weed smoke)
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100 – Soul II Soul – Keep On Movin’ (at least the brothers out there know their soul and RNB)
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1990 :: Oh wow. America’s quite fixated on female lead vocalists and female… ah, just female. Except the #1 rank.
001 – Wilson Phillips – Hold On (see?)
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002 – Roxette – It Must Have Been Love (good song, BTW)
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003 – Sinead O’Connor – Nothing Compares 2 U (if she titled it “N0+41n c0mp@r35 2 U” it would be complete)
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005 – Madonna – Vogue (another song from Madonna… although the iconic songs are in the 80’s now)
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006 – Mariah Carey – Vision Of Love (the year Mariah Carey cracks the charts)
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010 – Jon Bon Jovi – Blaze Of Glory (the third iconic song from Bon Jovi… mostly used in victory parades)
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014 – Paula Abdul – Opposites Attract (marry Simon and prove your song is right)
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016 – Heart – All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You (another depraved artist)
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025 – Glenn Medeiros Featuring Bobby Brown – She Ain’t Worth It (are they pertaining to Whitney?)
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034 – New Kids On The Block – Step By Step (thank God they’re slowly getting ditched in the charts)
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040 – Tommy Page – I’ll Be Your Everything (try being my morning coffee brewer)
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043 – Soul II Soul – Back To Life (good song)
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046 – Vanilla Ice – Ice Ice Baby (oh, Eminem’s non-biological grandfather)
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048 – M.C Hammer – Have You Seen Her (yep, she was running out of your concert after you sang “U Can’t Touch This”)
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050 – Janet Jackson – Come Back To Me (who, Justin Timberlake? He’s now with Madonna’s entourage)
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056 – MC Hammer – U Can’t Touch This (your what?)
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062 – Aerosmith – Janie’s Got A Gun (basically a “Beretta-brandishing Bitch”)
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067 – Depeche Mode – Enjoy The Silence (yep, the song was loud enough for a middle finger salute)
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076 – Mariah Carey – Love Takes Time (true, took you 18 years from 1990)
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090 – New Kids On The Block – This One’s For The Children (sorry, rated-18. go away)
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092 – Kiss – Forever (oh wow. Gene Simmons and the band are still in. talk about “undead”)
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1991 :: A decade later, America still entertains sexually-depraved artists.
001 – Bryan Adams – (Everything I Do) I Do It For You (oh, that Robin Hood theme song)
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002 – Color Me Badd – I Wanna Sex You Up (very Badd song)
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004 – Paula Abdul – Rush Rush (that wonder hit from Paula)
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011 – Boyz II Men – Motownphilly (another group who knows their soul music)
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015 – Bette Midler – From A Distance (good song)
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029 – Ralph Tresvant – Sensitivity (the only interest he generates is when people hear his surname)
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033 – REM – Losing My Religion (that iconic REM song… and so far none)
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057 – Vanilla Ice – Play That Funky Music (and again?)
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069 – Mariah Carey – Love Takes Time (spanning two years, this song is good)
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075 – Seal – Crazy (didn’t this guy marry that German supermodel Heidi Klum?)
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090 – INXS – Disappear (and that’s what they did the next decade and a half)
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099 – Rod Stewart And The Temptations – The Motown Song (apparently Detroit is a bad place considering this song’s quality)
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1992 :: Now America’s in power balladeers and duets.
001 – Boyz II Men – End Of The Road (good song)
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006 – Eric Clapton – Tears In Heaven (the only Clapton song that made me listen twice)
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014 – Michael Jackson – Black Or White (2008 Democrat Presidential Nomination OST)
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015 – Billy Ray Cyrus – Achy Breaky Heart (that one-hit wonder)
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019 – Michael Jackson – Remember The Time (When You First Saw Me In A Ghost-White Skin)
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026 – George Michael & Elton John – Don’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me (good song)
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032 – Nirvana – Smells Like Teen Spirit (the only Nirvana hit)
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036 – TLC – Ain’t 2 Proud 2 Beg (2 ambiguous 2 tell)
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039 – Queen – Bohemian Rhapsody (oh, that one song from hell… and I thought only the Bee Gees had that trademark falsetto)
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046 – MC Hammer – 2 Legit 2 Quit (another song that’s 2 stupid 2 comprehend)
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054 – Michael Bolton – When A Man Loves A Woman (try singing that in Elton John’s wedding)
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064 – Celine Dion and Peabo Bryson – Beauty And The Beast (when Disney breaks in the charts)
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073 – Paula Abdul – Blowing Kisses In The Wind (she does that to every hot male contestant in Idol)
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084 – Boyz II Men – Uhh Ahh (uhh… I think that’s not a good title)
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1993 :: Apparently the more weirder and ambiguous the singer’s name, the better for Americans.
001 – Whitney Houston – I Will Always Love You (okay, the only good song from Whitney)
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009 – Wreckx N Effect – Rump Shaker (see? that’s one)
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011 – Dr. Dre & Snoop Doggy Dogg – Ain’t Nothin But A G-Thang (apparently they even created their own nigger language)
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016 – Duice – Dazzey Dukes (and another)
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028 – Spin Doctors – Two Princes (okay, another one)
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030 – Whitney Houston – I Have Nothing (Left After 12 Years)
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031 – Arrested Development – Mr. Wendal (and another one)
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035 – Tony Toni Tone – If I Had No Loot (ah, damn)
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036 – Meat Loaf – I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won’t Do That) (WARNING: “No Pun Intended” tag spotted)
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039 – Whitney Houston – I’m Every Woman (sorry, no woman wants to be you anymore)
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045 – Naughty By Nature – Hip Hop Hooray (candy-sucking kids)
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050 – 4 Non-Blondes – What’s Up (pretty watered song)
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054 – Brian McKnight – One Last Cry (good song)
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055 – Xscape – Just Kickin’ It (dang it, these keep on coming)
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057 – Bon Jovi – Bed Of Roses (the second iconic song from Bon Jovi… the iconic song is “It’s My Life”)
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061 – Ugly Kid Joe – Cat’s In The Cradle (what an ugly name)
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063 – Positive K – I Got A Man (and that man’s in for his death ride)
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067 – Madonna – Rain (this is one of Madonna’s songs I liked)
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070 – Boy Krazy – That’s What Love Can Do (nope, naming yourself “Krazy” doesn’t help)
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079 – Captain Hollywood Project – More And More (now the name sounds more stupid than… “stupid”)
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080 – The Heights – How Do You Talk To An Angel (try inserting a P.S. after your usual prayer to God)
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081 – Digable Planets – Rebirth Of Slick (Cool Like Dat) (digable… ???)
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084 – EnVogue – Give It Up, Turn It Loose (sometimes creativity outlives its purpose)
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092 – Joey Lawrence – Nothin’ My Love Can’t Fix (try fixin’ my house plumbing)
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097 – Tony Toni Tone – Anniversary (how do i spell “tony”? let me count the ways)
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1994 :: Still the same as 1993, except “weirdness” has more than whetted the US music appetite
001 – Ace of Base – The Sign (well ok, suit yourselves)
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003 – Boyz II Men – I’ll Make Love To You (and again, another one bites the dust)
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005 – Mariah Carey – Hero (still the same Mariah)
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007 – Toni Braxton – Breathe Again (another good song from toni braxton)
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014 – Salt-N-Pepa And EnVogue – Whatta Man (when weird worlds collide)
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018 – Elton John – Can You Feel The Love Tonight (sorry, nope. sing that to your partner instead)
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024 – Aaliyah – Back And Forth (Remix) (oh, aaliyah. that one)
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029 – Salt-N-Pepa – Shoop (damn)
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032 – Michael Bolton – Said I Loved You . . . But I Lied (another perfect break-up song)
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035 – Crash Test Dummies – Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm (aka “The Sound Of A Person With Duct Tape Covering His Mouth”)
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037 – Da Brat – Funkdafied (damn)
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040 – 10,000 Maniacs – Because The Night (that’s a wholotta maniacs)
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046 – Crystal Waters – 100% Pure Love (i thought it read “Pure Loves – 100% Crystal Water”)
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050 – Beck – Loser (that’s you)
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052 – Snoop Doggy Dogg – Gin And Juice (Remix) (actually, that tastes good depending on the juice)
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053 – Immature – Never Lie (thanks for being honest)
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056 – Luther Vandross And Mariah Carey – Endless Love (Mariah really loves black guys, yeah?)
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061 – 2Pac – Keep Ya Head Up (another one of Akon’s ancestors)
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062 – Snoop Doggy Dogg – Whats My Name (yep, a legit question, because for sure your legal name isn’t “Snoop Dogg” either)
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063 – Real McCoy – Another Night (and now we have to find the “Fake McCoy”)
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066 – Jimmy Cliff – I Can See Clearly Now (perfect song for lasik treatment centers)
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074 – Zhane – Groove Thang (can’t they even run Spellcheck on their word processors?)
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081 – Craig Mack – Flava In Ya Ear (oh, so you’re Craig David’s ancestor)
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082 – Queen Latifah – U.N.I.T.Y. (yeah, and we can S.P.E.L.L. too)
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085 – Ini Kamoze – Here Comes The Hotstepper (damn)
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099 – Heavy D And The Boyz – Bop Gun (I won’t even trust these people with a potato gun)
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1995 :: And the number 1 song is… “Gangsta’s Paradise”? Well, 1995. The year that rap comes in hood first.
001 – Coolio & LV – Gangsta’s Paradise
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002 – TLC – Waterfalls (the only good TLC song)
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004 – Seal – Kiss From A Rose (good song)
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008 – Madonna – Take A Bow (another one good song… I remember the music video of this one involved a matador)
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010 – Montell Jordan – This Is How We Do It (no, only you do it)
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013 – Adina Howard – Freak Like Me (freak out, bitch)
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016 – Bryan Adams – Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman (yep)
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018 – Shaggy – Boombastic (actually, this song fits “Arabic-sounding voice” to a T)
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021 – Michael Jackson – You Are Not Alone (yep, and if you’re gonna retire this world would be)
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031 – Vanessa Williams – Colors Of The Wind (try car smoke emissions)
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047 – The Notorious B.I.G. – Big Poppa (and maybe this inspired Scott Steiner)
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048 – 4 PM – Sukiyaki (hey, remember 1981’s #22?)
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051 – 2Pac – Dear Mama (… your big boy 2PAC is making millions out of convincing people his shit is worth their auditory time)
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056 – Michael Jackson & Janet Jackson – Scream Childhood (I didn’t watch Free Willy 2 because the two Jacksons are in the promotional bandwagon)
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057 – Jodeci – Freakin’ You (try freakin’ Adina Howard)
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079 – Faith Evans – You Used To Love Me (another post-breakup song)
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081 – U2 – Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me (yep, describe a total Hollywood marriage)
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096 – N II U – I Miss You (talk about being lazy)
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So, just a footnote. Let me post a top 10 list here, just for the sake of me getting out from the 3-headed dog called boredom.
Top 10 SONG TITLES THAT WERE INFLUENCED BY MAMAJUANA (including JBL’s little romantic Gatorade)
10 – 1986 #046 – Robert Palmer – I Didin’t Mean To Turn You On
09 – 1981 #063 – John Mellencamp – Ain’t Even Done With the Night
08 – 1983 #032 – Marvin Gaye – Sexual Healing
07 – 1983 #066 – Air Supply – Making Love Out of Nothing At All
06 – 1990 #016 – Heart – All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You
05 – 1987 #024 – George Michael – I Want Your Sex
04 – 1991 #002 – Color Me Badd – I Wanna Sex You Up
03 – 1994 #003 – Boyz II Men – I’ll Make Love To You
02 – 1987 #044 – Samantha Fox – Touch Me (I Want Your Body)
01 – 1992 #084 – Boyz II Men – Uhh Ahh
Top 10 MOST “I Don’t Know How I Was Inspired To Name This Song As This” SONG TITLES
10 – 1992 #036 – TLC – Ain’t 2 Proud 2 Beg
– 1992 #046 – MC Hammer – 2 Legit 2 Quit
09 – 1984 #100 – James Ingram & Michael Mcdonald – Yah Mo Be There
08 – 1985 #038 – Pointer Sisters – Neutron Dance
07 – 1982 #042 – Buckner & Garcia – Pac-man Fever
06 – 1988 #042 – Beach Boys – Kokomo
05 – 1993 #093 – Green Jelly – Three Little Pigs
04 – 1995 #076 – 20 Fingers – Short Dick Man
03 – 1982 #016 – Tommy Tutone – 867-5309
02 – 1981 #057 – Police – De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da
01 – 1994 #035 – Crash Test Dummies – Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
So ciao for now.
Briathrail // Albert 2MNG 
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